In Search of Love

By M. F. Janawari

Born to a landlord in a village in the times of turmoil and conflict in Kashmir, Farhan was raised motherless by his parent and siblings with too much care and love. He was the luminosity of every eye in his family. His every utterance would turn an order to be obeyed for sure. But deep down his soul there was an untold, well fathomed a tale of missing her mother. Despite all assets and luxuries in the shape of a well caring family, for that matter, he always felt all alone. He was known for his intelligence at school where he would stay first always in any competition.

When he was just an 11 year old champ, he got a teacher who taught him all but yes Love. Love in a real sense. The teacher would all the time read from books authored by great philosophers, thinkers, poets etc. Farhan developed a hope for love as some asset that replaces every loneliness, every pain. Meanwhile, one of his friends Tahira who lived in the same village started loving him when he stood first in the board exams. She proposed him but Farhan was socialized in a different manner, he had been told always that making relations with girls is prohibited so he feared any wrath and denied. But Tahira went on loving him crazily.

One day Farhan happened to play with his brother in which his brother’s hand got broken. He was taken to the hospital and Farhan was scolded such as if hated by his family. This was out of his control. He left home for one complete year and stayed at aunt’s place. At aunt’s place he had been friend with Hina who was a classmate at higher secondary school. But Tahira had been crazy all this time to hear from Farhan. So, he made Hina do this job. Hina told her that Farhan was her boyfriend so she may not disturb him again. But Tahira knew Hina lied for she knew Farhan very close. However, she stopped chasing all together.  But in the mean time, he started loving Neesa, a girl from Srinagar. Both loved each other like what is seen in a fairy tale. Too ideal, was their love. But alas! too short. Neesa died in an unfortunate car crash in which Farhan’s forehead broke. After operation, Farhan survived but Neesa had left the world without saying a goodbye to him.

Now, Farhan was pained much more. He told none whatever happened to him perhaps it was such a damage that would not let him resist go mad while recalling. He lived alone, really alone from then and forgot all the hopes. Anyways, after earning a Bachelor of Science at Degree College, Farhan was admitted at the University of Kashmir for Post Graduation where he was tempted to be friends with a girl who approached that ‘all time silent’ guy via facebook. Asked for his friendship and then started taking him to lunches, dinners, parks etc. Farhan developed feelings for that good soul. After completion of the degree he spoke his love out to her. But they could not make it given to the distance between them as Farhan had moved to New Delhi just after the completion of post graduation.

New Delhi was really new to him. He landed in Jawaharlal Nehru University (JNU) and started working with The World Bank while putting up in JNU only. JNU gave him a different prism of looking at things. For Farhan, something was wrong with this place. It seemed totally against the norms, values and morality what Farhan had been socialized in. He started reading, listening and debating. All happened for almost two years and he was transformed to a liberal mind for him logic was much important than history. One day in May of 2012, he logged in to his Facebook where he saw a message asking for help. He replied questioning the sort of help. Then the reply was that a girl had been mad for Farhan from university days with a huge crush. But he did not know that the girl was too experienced to lure and he happened to fall for her love. They met; they saw each other on the famous banks of Dal. Farhan gifted her with the Holy Qura’n and said, “Look, I love you as truly as this book is”. But after a good time the girl started avoiding him giving many reasons like she could not attend the calls for mother was there, she could not message for phone balance had ended. Then one day he came to know that she had been engaged to an “earning hand” much before which he knew not. All mad, unable to understand the role played by the girl he was seen crying all time. Ditched and cheated in a proper way. Alas!

Then what happened was as stunning as before, a girl is calling the sad Farhan asking for his favour to be employed in a project at The World Bank.  He was but a helpful guy. He helped her secure the position by leaving the vacancy. This was Ambreen from Jaipur. Ambreen was actually alone in New Delhi so she played on Farhan, told him that she loves Farhan and wishes to marry him. In her company Farhan was feeling better. After sometime, she changed her statement and told that she had loved a guy and wishes to marry him and if Farhan really loves her then he has to sacrifice his love as if it was a test which he passed. How ideal was this Farhan! He agreed and stopped all contacts. 

Farhan’s life is on and he has to take admission in Aligarh Muslim University (AMU) of Aligarh when his family searched a school teacher for him to be wed with. Farhan had now another scene. To this girl before their engagement that fortunately never happened, he narrated his painful story of ditching. This was Nayeema. She assured him that she will love him so much that he can forget all and they started phoning each other, meeting back home etc. There was a sort of pact that they will not for engagement at least before three years. But she had her boyfriend already which he came to know later. Farhan helped them marry by proving himself a wrong person so that she could marry the one she loved. Just a few months passed Farhan met Sangita who was a team mate in one of his projects at AMU.

Within a couple of days they became so nice friends that they shared all to each other. Farhan knew she had boy friend and other friends as had been introduced by her. But after a time they had their compassion and affection turned love. It was when Sangita had had break-up. Farhan constantly debated and discussed with her that the entity that we call Love does not exist. There would be so long debates involving friends and all. But Sangita remained steadfast on her statement that love exists and she loves him and wanted to marry him. For a year long, Farhan never believed but to keep her happy he used to reply I LOVE YOU with the same words. Sangita knew all the things well. In the month of that May Sangita’s mother passed away and her father was alone at home. So, to accompany his father at home she left the project work but insisted Farhan to talk to his family for their wedding. He did talk to his family regarding this, after sometime. Because it would be an inter-religious marriage so many social concerns were there. But the truth was that he never found love in Sangita. He had a sort of kindness for her. But Sangita reached home and patched up with her ex-boy friend and phoned Farhan to take care. Actually, Farhan had helped Sangita in two ways, in the project and to do away with her loneliness after her break-up.

Finally, before seven months of Farhan’s death at a hospital in Srinagar, he became friends with Uzma who turned his girlfriend. Farhan again started the same story of loving truely and being too much careful for his love. This love remained there for just a month. I mean their relation could survive only for a month and Uzma could not take the love from Farhan. There were specific times for their meetings, chatting etc. There was a nice gap between their professional and personal relations. Farhan tried every next day to make her understand that he loves her truly but she could not understood that perhaps. She labelled Farhan something different from what he was actually. She had started to ask for the parting of ways. So, before she could tell a goodbye to him. He called her on a fine morning and they met in a museum where the wonderful thing was that Farhan for the first time gathered courage to fight with his inner self and said a good bye to Uzma.

Actually, he had only fault and that was he used to love and all the time he suffered. He survived for some more days, he met a heart attack in wake of hatred for his life and was seen dead on that hospital bed. Unfortunately, it is a true story of an unfortunate true lover.